"Ohana means family. Family means no body gets left behind, or forgotten."
"This is my family... It is little, and broken, but still good."

Thursday, September 10, 2015

"You're still young, you can have more."

After Lilly died, I quit my first job. I was working with mentally and physically handicapped adults. One of my co workers asked me if I was coming into work the day I was delivering her (I was supposed to be on maturity leave). That was okay. She didn't know I had stopped working the week before.  Then, one of my managers asked me to work on the day of her funeral- after I had informed them of what had happened and what days I would be gone. That, and I was supposed to be ON MATERNITY LEAVE! Gah... I worked for them for over two years and that's how they treated me. Made me so mad.
So I quit. And now I work for a new company. I'm an in home caregiver for the elderly and the handicapped. I love it. I still get paid to do service, and I get to listen to their stories as I work. My least favorite part? Not knowing how they will react when I tell them that my one and only baby has died. Here's how the conversation normally goes:
"Are you married?"
"Yep! Just over two years now."
"Oh, now wonderful! Do you have any children?"
And this is where it gets interesting....
"Yes and no? I've a daughter who recently passed away, so yes I have a child, but none living."
They always ask how she died, so I tell them that she died shortly before she was born, that it was a cord accident. And then they do one of two things- they either express their condolences, or they say "oh, well, that's okay I guess. You're still young, you can have more."
Uhm, excuse me? My baby dies, and you tell me that I can have more? While that may be possible, it might also not be. It's like you're treating my child like a dog. "Oh your puppy died, but don't worry, you can get another." To me, that's pretty messed up. She's my CHILD. Not some pet that I can replace. 

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