Dear Baby Bear- week 15

Dear Baby Bear,

You're a BOY! Oh my goodness! We're going to have a baby BOY! I'm so excited :) Your father and I are ecstatic. Seriously, we couldn't be any happier. Your dad has been wanting a boy since the day we got married. And me? I'm relieved. I would have been okay if you were a girl, and I do want a girl eventually, but I was afraid of the feelings I would have if we had found out that you were a girl. There would be so many conflicting and difficult emotions. Would you look just like your sister? Which of her clothes would you be wearing? I would be experiencing everything "first time mom," (take home baby wise) with a baby girl, but it wouldn't be the baby girl that I was originally supposed to bring home.
You are a different baby, a different gender, and will be a different experience all together. And I am grateful for that. Thank you. So far, you seem to be the best thing to have happened to your father and I since you sister passed. You're not going to replace her, but you will help heal some of the hurt we feel for her. I don't know if you will ever know how much we truly are thankful for you, how grateful we are to have you in our lives, and how much we love you and your sister.
Okay, so! On to how we found out you're a boy! I went to my first appointment at the new OB office. I just met with a prenatal nurse, and will be meeting with the Doctor next week. Aaaaanywaaaays, I'm talking with her about my medical history and everything that happened with Lilly and we were pretty much done when she says she wants to listen to your heart tones (fancy way of saying she's going check your heart beat). So she grabs the Doppler, has me lay down, and she looks for a good 20 minutes to find you. And she can't! I wasn't too worried though. I had found you earlier that morning. So she takes me over for an ultrasound just to check that everything is okay. And you are! You are okay :) You were just squirming around A LOT. They even had trouble pinning you down to catch a reading with the ultrasound machine. Your heart rate was at 159 that day :) The technician did just a few quick measurements to make sure you're growing okay, and she went to check your femur which is when I saw your tiny little penis. And I was like "oh my gosh! It's a boy!" And the tech says "oh! Did you not want to see the gender? I could have told you not to look just now." But I wanted to know what you were :) So I'm all okay with it! And I am soooo happy!

Look! See? You are a boy :)

You know how I said you were moving around a lot? Well, you were. So we couldn't get any cute profile pictures. But we did get a creepy one!

Told you- Creepy face!

I'm starting to feel more "normal" now. Im hardly ever nauseous, but I get these crazy intense headaches in the afternoon when I don't drink enough water. My uterus is continuing to grow, and is now above my belly button. 

Eva doesn't like that very much, because she can't sit on my stomach anymore. It's way too tender! She better get used to it, though! She's going to have to share her cuddles once you arrive. You, Baby Bear, are about four inches long, from the top of your head to the bottom of your butt. I imagine that you look pretty cute by now. More human-like, and less like an alien.
You're father and I went shopping for you today. Now that we know you're a boy, it's easier to find cute clothes :) and I have justifiable reason to buy them! You're gonna need 'em. You can't just wear pink all the time (all of your sisters stuff is pink. ALL of it). Were going to have to pick up some of the "bigger" baby items again, too. We got rid of most of it after your sister passed away. It wouldn't all fit in a closet, and I didn't want to see it lying around the house. We have quite a diaper stash, though! We kept all of those. I'm excited :) And so ready to meet you already.
Life still seems surreal at times, but you're becoming more and more of a reality to me- and I love that.

Oh my goodness, I think I just felt you. Like, FOR SURE felt you. Not just maybe feeling you. Do it again, Baby Bear! Do it again!