Dear Baby Bear- week 16

Dear Baby Bear,

We are now at week 16! Wow. I seriously cant believe that we’ve gotten this far. I had my first for real appointment with the doctor- it went really well! He asked a few questions about my pregnancy with your sister, and then suggested (before I even had the chance) to induce at 38 weeks. I LOVE THAT! I’ll also be having a level II ultrasound that has to be viewed with the MFM in Little Rock. Well, now don’t I feel all sorts of special! We just want to make sure that you’re growing and developing how you should be, since your sisters death was such a fluke. He checked your heart rate, and of course it took him a while to find you. You’re such a mover. It took the doctor a good solid five minutes till he was finally able to track you down.

This is just Eva being Eva. The silly silly puppy

Some days are easier than others- I just have to take it one day at a time. Most days I include the word “if” when I’m talking about you. Psht- who am I kidding. I include the word “if” any time I’m talking about you. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. I’m just scared and trying to protect myself. Apparently it’s not an uncommon theme among the loss momma world. We are still creating memories with you, we still love you more than anything, we still want you to come and join our family, and we’ve begun acquiring clothes and things for you. We ended up getting rid of a lot of your sisters “bigger” baby items. We kept all her clothes, the diapers and wipes, and the pack’n’play, but got rid of pretty much everything else. It wouldn’t all fit in a closet, and I hated seeing it out and unused.
You are going to be one of the best dressed little boys. I refuse to get you anything too tacky, and you will not be allowed to wear anything with monkeys. Momma doesn’t like monkeys. And you’re going to be brown with big cheeks and big ears. I just think it’s distasteful to put a brown, big eared baby in a monkey outfit. That and I just reeeeeaaaally don’t like monkeys. BUT I LOVE BEARS! That’s part of the reason why you’re called Baby Bear. Your father picked out a super cute teddy bear for you- the first of what I believe will be many. We also have some bear slippers that I am just way too excited for you to wear. I have also learned that girls are a lot more fun to shop for- sorry. They just have so many frilly and girly things! Pink and purple and yellow and butterflies and ladybugs and dresses and skirts and they’re just all around more fun (shopping wise). Boys- its all just super tacky “I love my mommy,” “Daddy’s sidekick,” tuck covered stuff… and I guess that’s cute. Maybe. But not my style. Sorry. You’re going to be stuck with cute cardigan onesies, and solid or simple patterned clothing. Unless I find something that’s absolutely adorable and cant live without. There are some tops that I’ve found on the Internet that I love. I’ll have to convince your father to let me get some.

Ignore the laundry in the background. I promise we aren't always so messy!

I’m finally really beginning to feel you move. Its like I have a bunch of tiny snakes rolling around in my stomach, and I love it. It seriously makes my day each and every time I feel you. Your father and I are incredibly excited to meet you- I just hope we don’t meet you for another 22 weeks! 20, at the very least. Anything less than that, and you’ll probably have problems.