Dear Baby Bear- week 5

Dear Baby Bear,

You're starting to worry me- you haven't made me sick yet! With your sister, I was sick by now! And my HCG levels on Friday were at 50. I had another test on Tuesday and am now waiting for the results. Right now, I'm guessing your due date is July 6, 2016. That's why this is "week 5." It may change sometime within the next few weeks, though. Hopefully we'll have an ultrasound soon and we'll see you for the first time. I think that will make you seem even more real. I still want to be sick, though. Or at least have some sort of symptom. You're scaring me Baby Bear! But I still love you- and I'll do anything I need to to keep you around and make sure you make it home to us. 

Oh yeah! I need to tell you the story of how we learned about you. So, you're father and I have been trying to conceive you since your sister died. Don't think it's because we wanted you to replace her- we had decided before she was born that we wanted our babies to be close in age, we wanted you guys to have a best friend to grow up with. So that's part of the reason why we wanted you so quickly- the other reason is because we wanted to be parents. We wanted a baby to give all of this pent up love to- we had it built up for Lilly, but we weren't able to give it to her, so we are praying that we will be able to give it to you. 

Anyways! Back to the story. So! Your mom (me!) has fertility issues. My body's hormones are all sorts of weird. Because they're weird, I don't ovulate, and my cycle doesn't normally start on its own. I had just finished my fourth round of clomid, and had been told that I didn't ovulate based on my blood tests. So I was waiting to see if my cycle would start on its own- if I got to cycle day 35, I was supposed to start a medication that induces a period. Cycle day 35 came around, and I decide to take a pregnancy test before I start the Provera. Provera is a medication that tends to lead to birth defects. I actually took it while I was pregnant with your older sister (unknowingly, of course). So I pee on the stick while I'm getting ready for work. I finish getting dressed and brushing my teeth, and I look at the test and saw a faint second line! Oh my gosh- my heart started pounding and I wanted to tell your dad right then and there, but he was sleeping and I had an idea previously planned out. I went to work for a couple hours, and then went to one of my friends houses. She was holding onto a shirt for me- I wanted to give it to your dad when I learned that we were expecting again, so I ordered it and housed it with her. So I went and got the shirt, put the pregnancy test into a box, and put both the shirt and the box in a gift bag, which I gave to your dad. 

Haha, he didn't believe me at first, and demanded that I take more tests- so I did! We're so excited to see you Baby Bear, we want to learn who you are and what your personality will be like. We want to cuddle and hold your warm, wriggly , crying body. But we have to wait another 33 weeks :( gosh, I hate waiting.