Dear Baby Bear- week 8

Dear Baby Bear,

I'm a little late in writing this (only by two days) but yesterday was Thanksgiving day! And, of course, you just haaaad to make me sick. I don't mind it though. Your dad made the turkey, like he does every year, and of course it was delicious. Now if only I could have eaten more than just two bites! I'm planning on making a turkey sandwich today- and I'm excited!

There are only five more days till we get to see you, and I can't wait. I'm so excited! Well, I keep telling myself to be excited. I'm nervous, honestly. I don't want to get there, and find out you don't have a heart beat. Your father most likely won't be joining us for the appointment- he has to work and doesn't think he can get away for the ultrasound. Which sucks. It really really does. I'm thinking of maybe asking a friend to come with me, just in case. I don't want to be alone to receive horrible news, and I can't ask Mimi to come since she's in Maryland, and Abuela is in Arkansas. 

I feel like if I go to the ultrasound, I'll be told you're dead. But if I skip the ultrasound and just do the prenatal appointment, everything will be fine. And I know that is complete and total nonsense. But that's what my brain is thinking. And it's stupid. You're either dead, or alive, and there's nothing I can do about it. You'll either have a heartbeat when we go in on Wednesday, or you won't. And I realize that. So I don't know what I'm thinking.... I guess I'm just scared. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to lose you. I've already made plans for you, I've already incorporated you into my life. I already love you.