Dear Baby Bear,
Tomorrow, we learn if you're still with us. Tomorrow, we learn what your due date is. Is it July 6? Is it July 16? Or is it some day in between? We're going to talk to my doctor about our game plan, so we can transfer it over to a new OB in Arkansas. I'm sad that I'll be leaving the office I currently visit, but I think it will be good in the long run- I won't have to deliver in the same hospital your sister was stillborn in. These doctors and nurses have been so incredibly amazing throughout our journey to conceive you, though. They were so kind and compassionate after your sister died, and they were cool with us trying to conceive you right away. I hope our next doctor is like that- I like the idea of you and your siblings being so close in age. Lilly will only be about a year and a half older than you when you're born. You two would have been best friends, I just know it.
I'm nervous about tomorrow. But I'm also excited. I'm kind of hoping you're going to actually be twins, and not just a single baby- is that so crazy of me??? Get two babies in one pregnancy! That'd be awesome! But then again, the chances of miscarriage and what not is higher with multiples. But I still think it'd be cool. Honestly though, I just hope that you're healthy and that you're developed as much as you should be- that, and that your not dead. Because that would suck. I don't want you to be dead. I want to keep you. (Please note, I wanted to keep your sister, too, but God had other plans for her).
Oh! I need to tell you about my symptoms! Well, you're still making me sick, which is super good! I'm hungry almost all the time. Like, I wake up in the middle of the night, hungry and nauseous because I need to eat. But I'm nauseous, so I don't want to eat! You silly child. I can't eat a whole bunch even when I can eat, but I don't seem to be loosing any weight so far. The bloat is still going down, and the fatigue has hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I tried going for a jog, and only had the desire/ability to do 1.5. I'm normally better than that! I had gotten up to five miles before we conceived you. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get back up to it soon. I had set a goal with myself to be able to run a 10k by Christmas. Still haven't quite reached that- I need to exercise more. Oh! And I forgot to tell you. I've been constipated for the past, like, six weeks. Thank you, baby! Not. I could live without that part of pregnancy. But if it's from you, I'll take it. I'll take all the horrible pregnancy symptoms it it means I get to bring you home. I'll throw up ten times a day, I'll sleep through my classes, I'll live with horrible back pain and constant cramping- if it just meant I was able to keep you.
*update*
You're real! You're really real! You have a heart beat and everything, too! I am so excited- and I'll keep hoping and praying that you'll stick around. Oh! And your official due date is July 9, 2016. Yay!
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